Monday, March 24, 2008

Three Adjustments I'd Love

Admittedly these things won't change the world that much, but they'd all make my life a little more pleasant. I'm betting they'd make yours better too.

1.) If a fighter comes to the ring wearing a stupid mask or headpiece and he gets knocked out in his fight, he should apologize publicly for the fashion statement and agree never to wear the offending outfit again.

2.) If Max Kellerman persists in referring to professional prizefighters as "superheros," "action figures," and "gladiators," he should be forced to wear shorts, a clean tee shirt with a teddy bear on it, and a beanie cap with a working propeller instead of getting to wear Daddy's clothes. Obviously Kellerman is a boy, not a grown man. He may as well begin dressing like one.

3.) It's time to get rid of Michael Buffer. We've endured decades of hearing this silly peacock's endless trademark phrase. That was intolerable. But he's recently added an intro to his intro: "Now it's time for the most famous phrase in boxing history." That's like Elton John or Billy Joel or Yanni starting their fucking concerts by saying, "Now it's time to hear the greatest pianist the world has ever known." The statement is not only untrue, it's also something deeply unseemly. The motherfucker is an announcer, for god's sake.

4 Comments:

At 2:44 PM, Blogger Frank Lotierzo said...

I'd settle for two & three if I couldn't get all of them. Kellerman reveals on every broadcast just how little he knows, and that he should never have been afforded his position. As far as Buffer. I mute the TV every time he starts to speak. Lets get ready to rumble in my opinion was never a hit. And he stole it from Muhammmad Ali after Ali said he was gonna rumble with Foreman in the jungle.

Can I add a fourth adjustment I'd like to see? That would be punch stat. And IF anyone doesn't know why, then they don't know what they're watching.

 
At 11:39 PM, Blogger Eddie Goldman said...

Getting rid of HBO would solve all these problems at once.

 
At 12:09 AM, Blogger Charles Farrell said...

If there were a way to get rid of the commentary, the unofficial scoring of Harold Lederman, and Michael Buffer's introductions, I'd be happy to watch HBO. Last Saturday night was really entertaining.

 
At 8:17 AM, Blogger Eddie Goldman said...

Find a way to watch and listen to another feed, like the international broadcast. The Internet makes what used to be seen as miracles as easy as turning off the volume on your TV.

 

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